Perception

I'm having a Skinny Day today, people. Glory Hallelujah!!!! These days are so few and far between that I felt I should document it before the feeling subsides. I think most people (or girls anyway) know exactly what I'm talking about, but in case there are some rare people who have nothing BUT skinny days and therefore cannot sympathize, I will explain.

In my experience, a Skinny Day (or whatever you want to call it) is a glorious, uncommon, incredible day where you just feel.....awesome. Confident. Beautiful. Thin. Happy. Your clothes fit the way you want them, you like your outfit, the small annoyances you have about yourself disappear....It's an amazing feeling. You feel like you can conquer the world!

It's also a really weird feeling. Partly because it can be so rare that you kinda forget it can happen, and also because you think, "Why was I so hard in myself yesterday?" and "Why can't I feel like this all the time?" I don't know why. All I know is that my self-confidence and self-image fluctuates all the time. 

That's not to say that I almost ALWAYS feel not confident or whatever. As I've grown up and become more comfortable in my own skin, the good days have become more frequent than bad. I still can't completely silence that voice in the back of my head saying that I just can't ever look like those other girls. Comparison is horrible, but we all do it. And the media lies to us constantly. Literally. Have you seen those videos about the reality of photo shop? Awful. NO ONE actually looks like that. Even the models. And I don't think the "fitspiration" on Pinterest helps one bit. I don't need to see frequent pictures of girls' abs and butts. Seriously. But I digress...

Anyway, this post isn't me fishing for compliments or whining about my looks. I just wanted to be honest because I think so often we feel the need to put on a facade that we have it all together. We never feel bad about ourselves, never feel overwhelmed or sad or lost. But we do. And trying to hide it just makes it worse some times. And it's exhausting. So all we can do is support each other, lift each other up and know that good days are ahead. Always. 

I don't know why today was so awesome.  I had the day off work, so that always helps. ; ) Maybe I was channeling some Veronica Mars amazing-ness from wearing my awesome new t-shirt. :D Truthfully, I have lost a little weight. One of the many benefits of being Vegan. ; ) But that doesn't account for feeling like a busted can of biscuits (my dads term) yesterday or last week but awesomely great today. Our personal perception is so weird. I don't know. I probably don't look much different from yesterday or last week. I just need to hold on to this feeling, knowing that THIS is what I really look like. Those other days, the bad days, are full of lies. Remember that. I know I sure need to. 

Photographic evidence for posterity. Gotta post it before I change my mind: 

          Slightly blurry bathroom selfie! 

Lost Between the Pages

I really need this t-shirt. But not in black.

My junior year of high school,  part way through the semester, I became the TA for one of my math teacher's classes. I don't remember the circumstances of how that happened, only that it did. I would grade quizzes and file stuff. Whatever. But one particular day, she didn't have anything for me to do. So I pulled out a book, which I always have with me and I still do to this day, and I read. For almost 2 hours. In high school, we only had 4 classes per day, alternating which classes each day. It made for VERY long class periods. But in this case, I was grateful. I was completely immersed in the story and with no distractions (I may have had headphones in so I wasn't bothered by the lesson that I didn't care about), I was in deep. I wasn't reading the words on the page, I was seeing it in my mind clear as can be. I remember that feeling, but oddly, I don't remember what book it was. I read over a hundred pages or so. And then I was jarred back to reality by a rude school bell. I closed my book, gathered my things, and flowed into the hallway with my fellow students. 

But then...I realized I didn't know where I was supposed to be going. No idea what my next class was. I didn't even recall what day of the week it was to know which set of classes I had that day. It was....strange. I was still so caught up in the world I had just been in. The one of which I was reading. My body was going through the motions of heading to another mundane class (which ever one it was), but my mind still resided with the characters on the page. It was bizarre. And it only lasted a minute or two. I did eventually remember what day it was, and the corresponding class my feet directed me to. But to this day, I still remember that feeling. That total sense of getting hopelessly lost between the pages. 

It hasn't happened since, that feeling of losing touch with reality so fully because of a book. But I do occasionally find a story that I can hardly bear to put down. One that I want to dive into fully, allow myself to be swallowed whole. I have to know what happens next. I have to get to the end, although  saying good bye to these characters I know will be painful. This it what non-readers don't understand. And it is why I don't understand those people who don't read. I need books. I crave them. I have too many and I still buy more. No regrets (except when I move). I just can't get enough.

I have found such a book as I described above. Half way through it in 24 hours. I can't help but devour it, although I try to tell myself to take it slow. It is "Every Day" by David Levithan. My first of his books, but certainly not my last. 

Here's a bit about it:

I wake up.

Immediately I have to figure out who I am. It’s not just the body—opening my eyes and discovering whether the skin on my arm is light or dark, whether my hair is long or short, whether I’m fat or thin, boy or girl, scarred or smooth. The body is the easiest thing to adjust to, if you’re used to waking up in a new one each morning. It’s the life, the context of the body, that can be hard to grasp.

Every day I am someone else. I am myself—I know I am myself—but I am also someone else.

It has always been like this.

Right? Check it out. You'll thank me later. 

Define. Understand. Acknowledge. Act.

I warned you. This first post of a serious nature is a difficult one. You can't get much more serious than the subject of rape. It's not easy to talk about, but I feel strongly impressed to shed some light on the subject. This also serves as a trigger warning, should anyone tragically be a victim of rape or sexual assault. Read on at your own discretion.

I have read about, heard about, and been a part of many discussions involving rape culture in the past few months and with each instance, I learn so much more. Things that I never thought about or had occurred to me. So I thought, maybe I'm not alone. Maybe if I share what I've learned, others could be informed and we could start to make a difference. Maybe we could put a stop to rape culture. So, here are some terms and definitions as *I* understand them. Here we go. 

Rape Culture:

Rape culture creates an environment where it's okay to rape. I know what you're thinking! "I would NEVER be a part of that!" And maybe you're right. I hope so. But in too many cases, people do so without even realizing it. Here is an excellent blog post on the subject of rape culture from one of my favorite authors, Shannon Hale. Definitely worth a read. The next few terms will break it down a little more. Hopefully make it more clear how rape culture even occurs. 

Victim Blaming/Shaming:

If you heard about a girl in the news who was raped or sexually assaulted, what would be your first thoughts? Were they "Was she drinking?" or "What was she wearing?" or how about "Did she fight back?" ? If so, then you are contributing to rape culture. Any time when the victim is blamed because she wore a short skirt or had a little too much to drink, it becomes just a little bit easier for the rapist to get away with it. The more a girl is told that it was "her fault", the less likely it is that she will report it. And the person actually to blame gets off scott-free. And free to do it again. 

A lot of the information I gathered about rape culture, I have learned from the Steubenville, Ohio case that came to light last year. I'll be honest, I didn't know too much about the horrific ordeal that occurred last summer until the verdict came through in March. If you are not well aware, at an end-of-year high school party in June 2012, a young girl was raped and assaulted repeatedly at multiple parties by 2 high school football players after she passed out from drinking too much. And if that wasn't bad enough, the boys and other party goers took pictures and videos of the attacks and posted them on social media sites. The victim, still known as "Jane Doe", didn't even remember what had happened to her until she saw the videos and pictures. Her parents got involved and then the police were made aware. And you know what? The rapists didn't even think it was a problem until they found out their football coach wasn't going to be able to "sweep it under the rug". The whole town was under the influence of what I would call The Glorification of High School Athletes. It's a tight-knit, small town community that had a tendency to look the other way when it came to parties and underage drinking because of their "talent" at football. Reportedly, there were multiple parties that the victim was dragged to, literally, as seen in pictures, and we are supposed to believe that NONE of the parents or neighbors or police officers knew anything about these parties? Exactly. And even after the fact, the authorities had to bring in outside officials so there would be a fair trial. No one in that town wanted to send those two boys to prison for rape, despite the irrefutable evidence even supplied by THEMSELVES and their friends on social media websites. Also, texts from the boys to the victim asking her not to come forward and blaming her for their getting kicked off the football team. It's all just completely disgusting. 

But in the midst of all this, you know what happened? The victim was called a slut and a whore, she received horrible messages from people who actually knew who she was, even death threats. Does that seem fair to you? And she's not alone. There was a girl in Nova Scotia, Canada, who was threatened and taunted by her attackers and classmates after a photo of her rape was sent around the web. She was pushed so far, that she finally committed suicide. And guess what: her attackers have not been prosecuted. This is the kind of stuff that gives clear evidence that evil is real and present in this world. It all makes me physically sick. 

Let me state this once again: the more rape victim is blamed, the less likely she is to report it and get the help she needs. Put the blame where it belongs: on the rapist. 

Consent:

"No means no." We've all heard that phrase. It's still true. If a girl says no, that should be the end of it. But apparently, that's not enough anymore. So, let's be more specific: "No means no. Also, the inability to say no because a person is unconscious or too inebriated DOES NOT MEAN YES." I truly wish that didn't need to be pointed out, but clearly, it does. Another  blog post from Shannon Hale on the subject of consent really hit the nail on the head. The best way to know for sure if the person you are hoping to be intimate with is to get an ENTHUSIASTIC YES. I like that. I mean, would you really want to have the most physical connection with someone who didn't even want to be with you? I personally wouldn't think so. And this quote from Shannon's blog said it best:

"

What are we worried about here? Yes is such a wonderful word! Don’t we want to hear that from our partner? Yes! Yes please. Don’t we want to be sure that our partner is as excited and willing as we are? Don’t we want there to be no doubt? Just imagine a world where all those entitled high school football players had parents who taught them "Consent is an enthusiastic, unequivocal yes." Imagine those frat boys one commentor mentioned, sitting on their porch chanting about raping women--if they instead had been repeatedly and lovingly taught that "Consent is an enthusiastic, unequivocal yes." Wouldn't everyone be better off embracing this ideal? Why fight this brilliant idea when there are so many more important things to fight? Like, say, rape?

john doe asks, “What if the two parties disagree on what it was?...do you need to get consent in writing now?”

Yes, do that. If you have to ask, then yes, yes, yes. Sounds like you’re walking a line, and one that can be horrifically devastatingly life changing and even life ending for many a victim. If you’re not sure if she’s consenting, then ask her to sign a consent form, a napkin, your belly--whatever. And then her consent (or non-consent) will be perfectly clear. You’ll protect yourself as well as your partner. Do that. Please.

                                                                                                                                                            "

YES. GET IT IN WRITING. Make it clear. No doubts. Err on the side of caution. Those who say that Jane Doe wasn't raped because she couldn't say no? You will one day have to explain yourself. And it won't be pretty. 

Lack of Education:

I grew up in a conservative, religious household. I was taught to respect my body and that no one had the right to touch me without my say-so. We even had the sing-along tapes called "The Safety Kids". I remember the lyrics to one in particular that I remember: "Stay outside of my line or I'll tell on you. There are some things that are mine alone." That's all I can remember right now, but it stuck with me. And there was, of course, the rather awkward Maturation Program in 5th grade which, honestly, I don't remember a whole lot about. I took health class in junior high, I think, and then again in high school. I remember learning the physical anatomy and protection. STDs. Probably something along the lines of "No means no." but barely more. Along with other stuff, like nutrition and exercise. 

The subject of sex was only a week or two long in the semester, I think. I live in a conservative state where basically, abstinence is taught. Period. So, we pretty much learned about our bodies, that we need to be careful, use protection, and wait for marriage. I'm not disputing that. I grew up that way and made it a decision of my own somewhere along the way, but not everyone had my upbringing. Not everyone is going to wait until they are emotionally prepared for sex and mature enough to handle the consequences. So what about them? They just forge ahead uneducated and hope for the best? What if it's forced upon you? What then? All you've been taught is that you shouldn't until you're married. Does that mean you've done something wrong? That you are now "damaged goods"? NO. You are not. 

Elizabeth Smart, who was abducted from her home at the age of 14 and sexually abuse for months on end, spoke of this subject not long ago. During a speech at Johns Hopkins, she explained why she didn't run away when so many thought she could have: she felt worthless and unwanted. Growing up in a home much like mine, she thought maybe her family wouldn't love her the same or want her back after what she had been through. One of her teachers even made the comparison that after sex you are a "piece of gum already chewed...who's going to want you after that?" She felt like she had no worth. Horrible. 

In light of that, I believe there needs to be a change. If not possible in school, then in our own homes. Lets talk about consent, and NOT JUST FOR THE GIRLS. The boys need to hear ALL of the information as well. Consent. Respect. The emotions involved. Consequences. Open dialogue. Sex can't just be this embarrassing, unspoken thing. It needs to be a conversation. Be open to questions.  

I asked my mom if I ever got "the talk" when I was younger, because I honestly didn't remember. She says I did at around 11 and was sad I didn't recall. I was probably embarrassed and cut the conversation early. I wish I would have been more willing to listen, because I know a lot of what I have learned about sex was NOT from my parents. More like tv, movies, books, overheard conversation at school, and the like. Not the best way to learn. Let's make sure the correct information is out there. 

Those teenagers in Steubenville who claim they didn't know what they witnessed that Summer night was wrong were CLEARLY not getting the right information. Or they were too afraid to say anything negative about or to these supposed football stars. As terrible as the situation is, I hope it opens the eyes and ears of those who haven't been informed. If they witness the violation of ANYONE, no matter what they've heard about him or her, what they had to drink, or anything, it's time to SPEAK UP. Speak for the victim, if they can't. If it doesn't look right or feel right, it probably is NOT right. Err on the side of caution. Speak up. 

What it means for men:

If we *were* to believe that women who have indeed been drinking, wear short skirts or low-cut tops, or have even been walking down a dark alley; all of these things that as women we are taught that we should "avoid" to not become a victim....what does that say about the men? If we are in one or even all of the situations listed above, then we're "asking for it" and any male person within the vicinity has no choice but to take advantage? Do men have no self control or respect toward women that if we are in a certain state, they have no choice? It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I know PLENTY of good, decent, respectful men who would stand up for woman in need of help and do the right thing. So why are women continually told to cover up, don't drink too much, take self-defense classes and be aware of our surroundings? Are the men told to respect women, be a gentleman, and, I don't know, NOT RAPE??!? Seriously. If the blame is on the woman, the man is....blameless? She put herself in that situation so, really, there's nothing he could do BUT attack her. Disgusting.

Let's educate the boys. Drill it into their heads that girls are equals to be respected and protected, if need be. There are plenty of men who stand on our side and were taught right. Let's add more to that, shall we?

Some Good Progress:

There have been good advancements in getting to word out. In this article from Vancouver, they talk about a series of ads regarding sexual assault, encouraging men "Don't be that guy." The marketing tool has lowered sexual assaults by 10 percent. Can we get some of this in the United States? 

Get Help

If you or anyone you know has been a victim of rape, sexual assault, or harassment of any kind, go to http://www.rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE. Call 24/7, completely confidential. Talk to someone. Get help. Start the healing. 

Well, this post has taken forever to right and I'm emotionally exhausted. If you have read all of this and stuck with me, thank you so much. I know it's not easy to read, and definitely wasn't easy to write. But no more silence. It's time to shine a light into the darkness. Knowledge is power. There's more to be added, I'm sure, and I may add to it in the future, but I hope this cleared things up to those confused and gave you something to think about. I hope you'll share and talk about this. Chances are, you know someone who has been affected by rape or sexual assault. Even if you don't know it. Add your voice. You never know who could be listening and needs so badly to hear it. 

A Brief Note/Confession

I love to write. I enjoy it. I've been told I'm fairly good at it. My mom remains convinced I should have gone into journalism. I recall writing an essay in 10th grade on the book "A Separate Peace". My teacher kept it as an example to show future students. In college, I wrote a paper on the 6 wives of Henry VIII (a subject I still remain fascinated with), but I enjoyed writing it so much, it was too long. It ended up being only about Katherine of Aragon, his first wife. I have always excelled in English class, possibly because of my intense love of books and reading.

I don't say all of this to brag,  only to set up my next point. I took AP English in my senior year of high school. It was a tough class. We were required to read Les Miserables the summer before the class started. We drew from it all year. Lots of writing essays, quizzes, and the like. Also, preparation for the impending test at the end of the year. Multiple choice and a big ol' essay to write all in 2 hours. I never took it. I never took the test because I knew I couldn't finish that essay. Even with all the writing I've done and everything, there is one thing I know: I am not a fast writer. I need to take my time. I have to get it right. I have to choose my words carefully. I knew I couldn't finish that essay in the time allotted. Not a good one, anyway. Also those tests are rather expensive and I didn't want to waste my parents' money. Although, it would have saved me a semester of English in college if I passed...

Anyway, my whole point is. It's been 2 weeks since I wrote that post about writing more seriously. For 2 weeks I've been working on a post on a very serious manner. I need to get it right. It's important to me to have the correct facts and present it in the right way. I'm glad at least one person is looking forward to my future posts (Hi, Holly!), but I do feel a bit of pressure. You might have to be a little patient with me. It's probably just myself putting pressure on myself (happens frequently), but I thought I would at least confess my process a little bit. I'm totally working on it, I promise. Life has been busy. That, and I seem to have several possible subjects to write on rolling around in my head and sometimes I have trouble focusing on one.

Soon, dear readers! Soon. : )

p.s. I love Calvin & Hobbes. : )

No Longer Silent

I'm what you might call..."non-confrontational". It's in my nature. I don't like to ruffle feathers. I've always been naturally quiet and generally say less than I need to.  That being said, I'm no longer as I have been. I think I might even be an....adult? Maybe? Well, I've definitely been doing some changing. Growing. And it's probably about time. I just turned the big two-seven. On the cusp of "late twenties". Yeesh.


Anyway, my point. The past few years have basically forced me into situations where I couldn't react in the same way as I have in the past. It wasn't so much that I was going outside of my comfort zone. It was more like my comfort zone was completely yanked out from under me, often finding myself floundering. But I guess I should be grateful, since it truly has helped me grow. "Build character", I guess you could say.


The reason I mention this is that there's a lot I want to say on this blog. I'm still the type who thinks more than she says, so I do A LOT of thinking. I also read a lot and keep up on certain topics with the help of social media. When I'm working and such, these topics roll around in my head and I feel the desire to share my thoughts and feelings about said topics. So I'm going to. It won't be a complete shift in theme, but occasionally, the subject may be more serious than my recent blog posts. And now I'm not afraid to "ruffle feathers". Part of the new and emboldened "me". Maybe the subject will be touchy or uncomfortable. Maybe it'll be upsetting. I don't know. I'm just giving a bit of a warning so it's not such a huge shock.


There are quite a few causes that I'm passionate about. I think it's time I add my voice to them. New blog posts coming soon. Get ready for my Fight Face.

Updates: Business and Personal

Okay. So, on the business front, things are moving forward. Sometimes in spurts, sometimes at a crawl, but if there's progress, I'm okay with it. I've started getting the word out and there has been some response! I had to take a break on the website because it is SO not my forte and I was about to pull my hair out. So, in the meantime, I started a Facebook page. You can click here to peruse, if you care to. I am up at over 100 "likes", some of which are even people I don't know, so yay! I have also received and delivered 2 orders through this manner, so I really hope it continues. It's exciting. : )

I have also received my business cards. That was an exciting moment as well! I used the logo my brother-in-law helped me develop (he did most of the work) and then used VistaPrint.com to create my own cards. They turned out pretty cute! See?

I've given a few out already! Mostly to family so THEY can maybe give them out, but some were to customers and even one to a lady at the office in my apartment complex. That's where I picked up the package and she recognized the company. She also was who I first talked to about getting permission to have this business out of my home. You never know the connections you're going to make!

Speaking of connections, I went to the Salt Lake Business Expo with my friend from Culinary school, Hilary. She has her own dessert catering business ( ruedelis.com ) . I feel like she has the jump on me as far as the business learning curve goes, but she told me it took her NINE MONTHS to get her business license because there was no form to have a food business out of a town home in Draper. They had to create one for her. Crazy! It's been about 1 1/2 months since I started the process, and I thought that was long! Let's hope I can get this wrapped up in the next few weeks. Oy. Paperwork is a pain in the butt. ; )

Anyway! We went to this expo and it was pretty general, as far as business. All types, some food. It was fun to see the local businesses and make a few connections. Hilary did most of that since she's "legit", aka licensed. She also had business cards with her since mine did NOT ARRIVE THE DAY BEFORE LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO. Sorry. I was rather bothered by that. It was fun to see her, though, and there will be some more conventions that are specific to food that we might go to. And I have my business cards now! Finally. I'll be prepared next time. : )

So here are a few pictures of the recent orders I did: 

Angry Birds Cake. Chocolate cake with strawberry buttercream filling

and covered in fondant. All decorations made free-hand. 

Dr. Seuss-themed cupcakes for Chloe Hennis, who was turning 1! 

Chocolate cupcakes with Old Fashioned Chocolate Buttercream.

And a close-up of the decorations:

Pretty fun. : )

On a personal and possibly not-so-interesting note, I haven't been feeling well the past couple months and I kind of suspected I might be allergic to something. I wasn't sure what, but by experimenting and process of elimination, I'm pretty sure I'm lactose intolerant. : (   My dad is and I asked him what his symptoms were and they sounded oddly familiar. It's a self-diagnosis, so I'm not 100% sure but I've been feeling much better since I have mostly cut dairy out of my diet. I thought it would be really hard to give up cheese and ice cream, but it really hasn't been that bad. There are good substitutes and I live really close to a health food store, so the transition has been made without much difficulty. 

In relation to that (kinda), I have now been 4 years vegetarian as of the 3rd of this month. Hard to believe it's been that long! But I don't regret it one bit. In light of this possible lactose intolerance, I've started to make some vegan recipes since they don't have any meat or dairy in them (or eggs but that's another subject for me that I won't get into). You know what? I'm loving it. I feel a lot better and it just easier to go back to what my body actually needs. I was REALLY good at healthy eating when I first went veg, but I've strayed a bit. I'm trying to go back to the basics. Keep it simple. 

So there's some news for you! Oh, and I'm actually writing this AT my desk while sitting on my "new" desk chair. I got it really cheap from DI and it has been great so far! I'm trying to segregate "business time" and "chill time" so having a good chair is important! If I'm not comfortable, I'm more likely to lounge on the couch and productivity wanes. ; ) See you soon! 

The Here and Now

Hey, all. I don't seem to have the brain power or energy to full-on blog these days, but I had a thought today. I'm working on staying in the moment. I have a tendency to spend too much time dwelling on the BIG SCARY UNKNOWN FUTURE and all the things I can't control rather than focusing on what's happening right now. It's an ongoing process. Success varies.

Anyway, as I contemplated this, Mumford & Sons came to mind. As they often do cause TOTALLY AMAZING AND ALL THE LOVE FOR THESE BOYS. And it happens to fit my situation. These are the skies I'm under. And I can only control my attitude these days. Play on, fellas. : )

Changes

I moved about 2 months ago. The majority of those who might read my blog probably know this from some other source, but in case you don't, Hey! Here's a post about it! And some other stuff.

So, yes. I moved. To an apartment of my VERY OWN. It was all very exciting and scary. Yup. I now live alone. It's really fun and weird and bizarre and awesome. All at the same time. I have my own kitchen and can entertain and stuff! I'm really enjoying it.

My place is a small one-bedroom apartment. I was given quite a few things from loving family members: a table and chairs from Grandma and Grandpa, futon from mom and dad, and a desk from Uncle Garn and Aunt Diane. And I'm so grateful!

My desk. : )

Housewarming gift from my Aunt Julie! You don't miss it til

you desperately need one. 

And I also had a few projects. Like my book shelves! My dad was able to get some free pallet boards from work and he cut them to size so we could paint them for a new backing for the shelves. They're just cheap walmart build-it-yourself ones, so with the help of Pinterest and my dad, they're slightly classier. : )

Sprayin'. My hand was cold. 

Messy. I'd never get away with graffiti. 

And finally I was able to put up ALL my amazing art work that I haven't had room for the past couple years. So excited. :D

Danish cars and London collage. Plus ceiling fan.

Autumn in Paris and painting of the New York Skyline. And lamp!

So, yeah. I'm kinda loving it. : )

It should also be mentioned that there is another reason for moving besides independence and cause it's awesome: I really am moving forward with my cake business! It's still in its infancy, but slowly but surely it is happening. In the process of designing a logo with my brother-in-law, looking at business cards and other items, applying for a business license, and I have a friend in marketing that I'm hoping can help as well. Eep!  I'll keep you posted. Eventually. ; )

OH, and I cut my hair. Badly needed. A good change. My head feels so light!! Still considering a color since I've never done it, but we'll see. 

Ummmm.....I think that's it for now. I always have the intent of posting more, but ya know. See ya!! : )

To Be Honest

Hello, all. This post has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now. Thought I'd put it in words. A while ago, I read a really good book. "Just Listen" by Sarah Dessen. I had been following her on twitter for a while and bought the book randomly sometime before that. Finally got around to reading it and her author friends online that I follow were speaking truth. It was excellent. She writes contemporary stand-alones, which I REALLY like. Sometimes I just want to read ONE BOOK and be done with it. There are sooooo many series out there, which are awesome, I know, but there's this constant anticipation of the next book and a lot of money spent in most cases. And I do read a lot of supernatural books and stuff, but it's nice to sometimes keep it more to reality. Just straight-up fiction. Sarah Dessen has written, I think, 17 books and they are all separate. Hallelujah! So far, I have only read the one and started another, but I know I'm a fan already. She's also obsessed with Good Morning, America and has an adorable daughter who looks nothing like her. She pointed that out, by the way, not me. But I digress…

So I read this book. It's really well written. Annabel is the youngest of 3 sisters and they each have their own issues to deal with.  It's when Annabel makes a new friend when her others have abandoned her that she comes into her own. This guy, Owen, seems scary on the surface but as they spend time together, Annabel sees the good in him. One of his good attributes is that he is completely honest. Not in a brutal sort of way, but he doesn't hold back. Annabel  isn't necessarily a liar, but there's a lot she doesn't say. Or she doesn't tell the whole truth. What is it they say? A lie of omission is still a lie? Yeah. There's some truth in that. 

This book really got me thinking. I can identify with Annabel sometimes. I don't think I'm a liar. I do my best to be honest, but I know I hold things back sometimes. Maybe I don't want to hurt someone's feelings or I don't want to cause contention. Both instance are warranted, but there are even times when I just give a noncommittal answer like "I don't care" when I do or "I'm Fine" when I'm not. So, I've really been trying to give an honest answer, even if he seems like it doesn't matter. When asked how I am, I'll say "pretty good" or "tired, but good" or "I feel like crap". Seems small, but it has made a difference. Untruths can be a burden. 

Honestly (ha), I've always been one to hold things back. Keeper of secrets. Shy to a fault when I was younger. Only spoke when necessary. I've come out of that a lot, but there are still times when I hold back. And it sucks. It's just a part of my character. Breaking through that is difficult, but the more honest I am, the lighter that burden gets. 

So that is my new resolve. To be honest. How honest are you, truthfully?  

With Resolve

Hey, guys. I'm baaaaaack. : )


After the marathon of blogging that was November, I needed a break. I didn't really plan on making it all of December, but it kinda turned out that way. *shrug*

I'm okay with it.


But here I am! And here is the new year. 2013. Wow. Kinda came outta nowhere. Not really, but ya know.


Honestly, full-on, hard-core resolutions never work out well for me. But I do have a few things I'd like to work on. And goals. Wanna hear them? MMkay.

1. Move Out. Yes, I am currently still living at my parent's house. Just as I did before college, after college, and now. It is really REALLY nice to not pay rent, but the commute to work is killing me and I am in desperate need of my own space. Definitely happening in the next month or two. Possibly in a 2 bedroom with my sister, Ashleigh. Makes rent cheaper and probably best all around. I also need a kitchen of my own for goal number 2
2. Start my own business. This plan scares the living crap out of me. No lie. But I have been doing an increasing number of cakes recently and I think with some effort and a lot of help, I could make this thing for real. I've had offers to help so it's still in early early EARLY stages and I'd be starting small, but it's something I want to make happen. I'll keep you updated. 
3. Accept Myself. This one's pretty personal. Yes, I have trouble with body image and self confidence and whatnot. As most do. I just want to be more comfortable in my own skin. Long and on-going process, I know. Just needed to put it out there. 
4. Eat Healthier and Exercise regularly. This one goes along with number 3. It's pretty cliched this time of year, but applicable. I've done it before. I can do it again. I'm still Vegetarian and I have no plans to stop. But also, I need to cut down on cheese. I love it SO MUCH. Too much. Yeeeahhhh. Need to work on that. I'm even leaning toward Vegan. I don't really enjoy eggs and I haven't been drinking milk for a long time. I don't know. We'll see. May not be total, just hints of it. Anyway.
5. Letting Go. This one's pretty serious. There's a lot of crap that I tend to hold on to. It piles up and gradually drags me down. Memories, guilt, regrets... Gotta let go. And people. I keep in contact sometimes with people who do no good for me and possible do harm. I did quite a Facebook friend purging today. Felt really good. Hopefully won't be the need for that often, but I'll be quicker with the unfriend button, that's for sure. Some don't deserve to be in my life. And I deserve better. Quality, not quantity.

Well, I think that's more than enough for now. Got pretty heavy there at the end. Oops! So, here's to new beginnings! A fresh start. : )

Any resolutions, official or otherwise, you'd like to share? I'd love to read them.